


memories of places in the past

by voidofsarcasmanddeath



Category: Raven Cycle - Maggie Stiefvater
Genre: Boys Kissing, First Kiss, Fluff, Lists, M/M, Sunday mornings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-11
Updated: 2020-07-23
Packaged: 2021-03-04 22:27:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 2,553
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25193911
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/voidofsarcasmanddeath/pseuds/voidofsarcasmanddeath
Summary: Just a list Adam has in his brain of things that make him happy when he's missing the Barns and the people in it.
Relationships: Ronan Lynch/Adam Parrish
Comments: 3
Kudos: 48





	1. CHAINSAW

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first thing to post here. Please bear with me as I struggle through my cringey work. Also don't have a beta reader. I apologize in advance.

CHAINSAW  
She automatically made something in Adam happy. It was probably because she was always by Ronan. And Ronan always made him feel that way. It was an association feeling. 

Adam remembered the day Ronan had pulled Chainsaw out of his dreams. It made Adam fall more in love with him. At the time, his heart had been something he had been confused over for years. It hadn't really sorted itself out until he had kissed him in Ronan's childhood in the room. The way Ronan had held Chainsaw and cared so much had made his heart hurt. 

There had been many weeks when Adam had picked up feathers from the ground and they could be found in the pockets of his jackets and the floor by his closet in the trailer park. He had packed them in the duffel bag with his clothing. And he had them in a box in his closet until he had Ronan sleeping on the floor. They had been stored in the floorboard under his desk. 

The first time he had Chainsaw sit on his shoulders, he remembered the pain of her talons digging into his back. He remembered thinking that the pain was worth it. Even if it hurt to shower and he had to disinfect the marks. The look on Ronan's face had been of happiness. And he had said something that would have been offensive if it had been said by anyone else. 

Most of his memories of Ronan were marred with Chainsaw. It was her wings and her chirp and her name for Ronan and her love of crackers and trash. It was her being sassy and messing with Ronan and the falls. It was all of her at once that hit Adam all at once. 

He could vaguely remember Chainsaw huddling close to him while Ronan slept on the floor of the wood above the church. She was Ronan's dream, she felt everything he did. When Adam had welcomed her into his arms, she had stayed there and always felt she could be safe in his arms. And Ronan at the time had glowered at her on the floor with the sound of "Squash one, squash two, squash three..." drifting in the quiet air. 

It had been weeks before she had let Adam touch her. She was skittish and unsure around him. Ronan had explained what had been happening one night when he had moved off the floor of the apartment. Adam had only been half-listening because his cheeks had been flaming and his heart was going faster than he thought was possible. Ronan was tracing circles on his back with his finger and his breath had been warming Adam's neck. 

Chainsaw had been the reason Adam had listened to Ronan when he had tried to choke him in the back of the car when the demon had possessed him. Chainsaw was the reason he was sitting on his dorm room floor, with his worn tarot cards in front of him on the floor, thinking of Ronan. Only Ronan. The reasonable part of him was telling him to pick up his textbook on the floor, while his heart chanted one name. Ronan. 

Chainsaw was by far his favorite bird. It didn't matter that she was a bird and possibly the carrier for a lethal disease. That was the part of his brain that was reasonable and made reasonable assumptions based on scientific facts. But Ronan had taught him the heart knew more than the head at times and Adam was learning to adjust to the idea of loving someone.


	2. SUNDAY MORNINGS

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Adam really likes Sunday mornings.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Still don't have a beta reader. Sorry!

SUNDAYS  
Every morning involved Ronan in one way or another. Often it was because he woke up next to the dreamer, who had his arms around him. And sometimes Ronan would nuzzle into Adam's chest and grumble about the sun and getting up and being an adult. He would complain about the cows and Declan and Gansey and dead welsh kings that he only knew about because he spent too much time with Gansey. 

There was always something special about Sunday mornings. 

When Adam had lived above St. Agnes, some mornings after Ronan had been at church, he would stop by and sit on the floor or on the bed to keep Adam company while he did work. And at that point, Adam loved living over the church. It wasn't so pleasant when the bells rang extra loud at four in the morning when Adam was trying to get some sleep in after a shift at Boyd's. 

Adam would wake up in an empty bed because Ronan insisted Adam sleep in on the weekends. But the cold side of the bed meant it was Sunday and Ronan was at church. Adam would wait for Ronan in the Barns. When he got back, he would be wearing his suit and tie with it loose around his neck and his shirt unbuttoned down to his mid-chest. If he had his hair grown out, that would have been disheveled too. 

He would stand in the doorway to whatever room Adam was in and smile at him like Adam was the sun and he orbited around him. Either Adam or Ronan would approach the other and they would meet. Adam would loop his arms around Ronan's waist and bring him into a hug, pushing his head into his neck. Even if Ronan had been gone for less than a couple hours, which was insignificant to the time spent apart in different states while Adam was in college, they missed each other like they couldn't function without each other. 

And they probably couldn't. It was a running joke in the group of friends when one of the boys was by themselves. Both of them would look at the door until their boyfriend would arrive. They wouldn't answer questions and their attention would be split between the people there and the person not there. 

After they stood holding each other like it had been years, Ronan would kiss him until he couldn't breathe. And that was amazing. Ronan was amazing. 

The real reason Adam liked Ronan going to church was because of the habit. And the irony. Ronan was a dreaming sinner who had seen more dead bodies than the average person. And he went to church. Even though more than half the words he said were profane and unallowed in the church itself. And because he looked like a monster to people who didn't know him. 

Ronan would get up every morning and go to church with his brothers, even if Declan had personally offended Ronan with something. It was Ronan going even if he didn't have the time. 

Once, when Adam had been extra clingy and Ronan had to go to church, he had gone with Ronan. While he was there, he realized two things. One, this was something he wasn't missing out on. And two, this was something sacred to Ronan that wasn't the same for him. 

He stuck with Sunday mornings when he waited for Ronan to get back. Adam would wait for Ronan to get back in his suit with the jacket abandoned on the arm of a chair while they embraced. 

Adam really loved Sunday mornings.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, that's two updates in two days. I didn't think that was going to happen.


	3. THE BMW

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Adam misses driving down Virginia roads with Ronan.

THE BMW  
The car was Ronan's baby and very high on his list of importance. It ranked just below Adam. He knew that Chainsaw and Opal and the rest of the Raven Boys plus Blue were also above the car. Ronan would just never say that. 

When Adam had still been oblivious to his crush on Ronan, which spanned a wide expanse of time, Ronan had been quite risky and careless with his life. When Adam had pointed out that all of his dream things would be cursed with eternal sleep, Ronan had told him to "Politely fuck off." And then the street racing and the drugs and the life-threatening things just stopped. 

Ronan would take the corners a little slower and he would drive at a more reasonable distance from the speed limit. Adam felt a little safer when he rode in the car with Ronan and the leather seats. 

Adam remembered this one story he was sure would be told by someone he used to work with at Boyd's at a meetup. Ronan had torn into the parking lot at seven, halfway through Adam's shift. He remembered having finished fixing someone's tire and having finished with it, driving it out to the gravel parking area and finding Ronan sitting on the hood of his car. 

Adam had walked over and watched Ronan kick at the rocks until he heard Adam's footfalls. He looked up at him before he slid off the car. "It's making a clicking noise."

At that moment, Adam had been very annoyed with the Raven Boy, the real one anyway. Adam didn't fit in at the school, in his hand-me-downs and his DIY haircut. But Adam was upset because he had three other cars to work with for the night and only a couple hours to finish. And here was Ronan, distracting him from finishing early and working some study time into his schedule.

With a sigh, Adam looked at Ronan and gave in. "What do you want me to do about it?" He winced when the end of the word "what" blurred with the beginning of the word "you" and the word "do" got mushed in there somewhere which made the very southern word, "whatdya". 

"Can you fix it?" There was desperation laced into Ronan's words and he no longer had the glare that usually could be found on his face. After the absence of any kind of profanity in two sentences from the boy, Adam waved Ronan away from the car, and he lurked behind Adam as he considered the engine. 

Adam turned away from the car. "It was clicking?" he asked Ronan. All he got in response was a nod and he turned back to the engine. 

From a distance, it could be seen in the way Adam moved that he cared for the boy with a malicious grin and the boy cared for Adam. That was what any employee would say if someone asked. Not that Adam was slightly annoyed and scolding Ronan or that Ronan was embarrassed to be scolded. Just two boys.   
\---

There had been another time, shared between the two of them. Ronan had been awake as per usual, but Adam couldn't sleep. Naturally, he called Ronan and an hour later, both of them were out of Henrietta. Ronan didn't ask and Adam didn't tell, but they both knew whose face had kept Adam up. 

The BMW had been abandoned by the side of the road and Ronan was leaning against the fence post of a farm that wasn't his on the property of people he didn't know. But that was how Ronan was. Adam stood beside him and leaned his head on Ronan's shoulder. Ronan looked back at Adam's head on his shoulder and smiled. 

Adam was pondering his situation in life. Both of them had a father figure, either because they were buried in the ground or because they were an asshole that didn't know or care about being a father. And Adam was thinking about the Hondoyota and the BMW and not learning to drive stick. When a car came into the shop with a stick shift, he would ask a friend or a coworker to drive it into the garage for him. When he told Ronan this, they were almost immediately back in the car with Adam sitting in the front seat with his hands on the wheel. 

Ronan slowly guided him through the whole thing and they were off, with the car groaning and stalling and Ronan wincing. Adam got the hang of it eventually when they were turning back into the parking lot of St. Agnes and the shit box. 

As Adam took the stairs one at a time, being quiet in the dark, Ronan clanged up the stairs. He stopped in the doorway and kissed him until both of them couldn't breathe. And he felt that the BMW was the thing that got him there. And it made him realize just how much they cared for each other.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I would really appreciate any feedback you have. Thank you so much for reading!


	4. BLUE

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The way Ronan acts around Blue when he's with Adam.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I think this is going to be the last chapter of this work. Thank you for reading!

BLUE  
When Adam had thought of Blue, it wasn't really about her. It was more of the way Ronan acted around her when Adam was around and when Adam wasn't around. Ronan had asked him if he still had any feelings for her. He still did sometimes. It made Adam's heart hurt when he thought about how Ronan thought he might fall out of love with the Irish boy who stole his heart. 

There had been a movie night get-together a couple of months ago when the gang was all back in Henrietta, WV. They had spent the night on the floor of Monmouth Manufacturing. Ronan had laid on the couch, leaving absolutely no room for anyone else, and only moved when Henry sat on him. Adam hadn't been there yet and was relying on the accounts of Blue and Gansey. 

Ronan had gotten up when Adam had appeared in the doorway to the living room, tired and hungry after a shift at Boyd's. While the movie played in the background, Ronan sat in the bathroom kitchen and watched him make food from the fridge. At one point, Blue had come in and stolen something off Adam's plate over his shoulder. Somehow that had made Ronan upset and Adam had the boy's arms around his waist only seconds after Blue had left. 

Where Adam saw a friend, Ronan saw someone who had held his hand and someone who had dated him and someone who may have maybe liked him. And Ronan didn't like that one bit. 

At the Barns, when Blue had brought Gansey along with her, Ronan had cuddled with Adam on the couch. When Adam got up, Ronan got up, dragging his blanket behind him as he went. 

Blue, one time, had offered for Adam to come over to 300 Fox Way for something and his boyfriend came too. 

Ronan was the boy that made Adam feel like he was more than nothing and Blue was the thing that made him feel like he wasn't enough. He loved her in the most platonic way possible. Ronan was the future while she was the past. And they both knew she would be with Gansey as long as he would let her. 

Adam loved Ronan so much. He was the opposite of Blue. Where Blue was loud and outgoing, Ronan was someone who was quiet and brooding and stuck to the shadows. 

He loved Chainsaw and Opal and the BMW and all of the dreams. He loved the way Ronan would come in with his suit in varying degrees of formal attire. He loved that Ronan only owned his old boots Blue had almost lost somewhere. He loved that Ronan wanted to be a dairy farmer. He loved Ronan so much it hurt to be so far away from him. It hurt to be on the other side of the east coast and it hurt that he couldn't go to the Barns and kiss Ronan without driving hours down the highways and then the back roads to get to him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please let me know what you think!

**Author's Note:**

> I kind of thought that Adam wouldn't have moved into the Barns until at least the summer before his sophomore year.


End file.
